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I'm not sure a DNA test would do Louann much good at this point. My guess is that PA didn't have robust mandatory child support laws back in the day. To get retroactive child support, she'd have to show how she was harmed by the absence of his financial contributions. Maybe a sympathetic jury would award her punitive damages for the guy's dickheadedness...
If I were in her shoes, I would have derived real satisfaction in calling out the guy for his cowardice and lying. I think she's moved on from this past craziness.
If your friend is satisfied, getting on with her life is the most valuable thing. Almost all families are very complicated, and being happy in spite of everyone else's bullshit is often difficult.
My financial comments weren't about legacy support, so much as inheritance. If Louann wanted to be known and acknowledged (albeit at the possible painful expense of her father's wife and/or other children), she has a claim to his assets upon his death. It could be messy, and painful, and probably not something I'd advise her to do if she's happily "moved on" since confronting him, but it's an option should she feel slighted by his absence and persistent refusal of the truth.
Assuming she could prove a DNA match, the only way to exclude Louann from an inheritance in PA is to name her as "not" an heir, specifically excluding her. That may be acknowledgement enough for her.... just knowing he knew and took the necessary steps to block her claims. If he didn't, she has a claim to probate assets (those without a named beneficiary).
Different people need different things for closure. If she's truly moved on, that's definitely the best outcome. Sharing (out of experience) just in case.
I have a hard time living in the world of vengeance and comeuppance. Why make lives worse for sport? Itâs not a pie where if you have less happiness I have more.
Weâll all be dead soon enough and none of that noise will matter.
In my case, I enjoyed many many years of thinking (wrongly) that I was a free agent. Obviously nothing at all like my adoptive parents, I could be âanything I want.â
After I met my half sister, who was frighteningly like me in manner (this was a good thing - I liked knowing her), I realized I didnât have a whole lot of choice. Iâm a biological agent at baseline, and the environment allowed me paths that made me unique. But, how I âamâ was defined long ago, much moreso that I anticipated. Thatâs a bit substantial when it smacks you all at once in the face as an adult. Different than having grown up alongside similar siblings and parents.
However, Iâm still a free agent, as much as anyone could be.
I largely agree with you about avoiding vengeance and comeuppance, but the confrontation helped Louann put the matter behind her. And the guy deserved to come face-to-face with the consequences of his bad choices.
Your post touches on debates about free will. Most of us probably regard ourselves as free agents as you did, but a number of philosophers don't think free will exists. They'll point to the predictability of our habits when making everyday decisions and how those decisions can change when circumstances change—eg, when judges are hungry, they tend to sentence people to longer prison terms.
I don't dismiss free will that easily. People have the power to choose a different path of action when informed of their unexamined habits. While your half-sister is "frighteningly like you", you have the power to take that new information to examine your behavior and change it as you see fit. People can change their behavior. We are not cockroaches walking endlessly around the edge of a teacup.
Another example I can provide is the case of Paul Frampton, formerly a chaired professor of physics at UNC. Paul's quite gifted in physics and has an international reputation in the field. Outside of it, he's a disaster and repeatedly alienates people and colleagues with his behavior. He had a bad habit of chasing after much younger woman, leading him to strike up an online "romance" with Denise Milani, an Internet swimsuit model 30+ years his junior. Paul was convinced he was doing his darling Denise a favor by going to Argentina and transporting a suitcase for her to Bolivia—even though he'd never actually met Denise.
Yes, he was warned that the suitcase likely contained cocaine—and it did, 2 kilos worth. Security's drug-sniffing dogs caught him with the suitcase at the airport and he was sentenced to 4 years in a very harsh Argentinian prison. Paul's sentence was commuted and he's now free but he doesn't hit on young women anymore.
Finally, for those arguing against the existence of free will, I point them to an iPhone and ask them how they think it was designed, sourced, manufactured and marketed without free will.
Location: At the dude ranch / above the sea Gender:
Posted:
Jul 1, 2026 - 3:33pm
kcar wrote:
I think she's moved on from this past craziness.
I have a hard time living in the world of vengeance and comeuppance. Why make lives worse for sport? Itâs not a pie where if you have less happiness I have more.
Weâll all be dead soon enough and none of that noise will matter.
In my case, I enjoyed many many years of thinking (wrongly) that I was a free agent. Obviously nothing at all like my adoptive parents, I could be âanything I want.â
After I met my half sister, who was frighteningly like me in manner (this was a good thing - I liked knowing her), I realized I didnât have a whole lot of choice. Iâm a biological agent at baseline, and the environment allowed me paths that made me unique. But, how I âamâ was defined long ago, much moreso that I anticipated. Thatâs a bit substantial when it smacks you all at once in the face as an adult. Different than having grown up alongside similar siblings and parents.
However, Iâm still a free agent, as much as anyone could be.
I'm generally against genetic testing, and assumed this is where it was headed with the "but there's more...".
Your friend should get her cousins to confirm the father via DNA, and then contest his will when the fucker dies (assuming there is anything worth fighting for).
I'm not sure a DNA test would do Louann much good at this point. My guess is that PA didn't have robust mandatory child support laws back in the day. To get retroactive child support, she'd have to show how she was harmed by the absence of his financial contributions. Maybe a sympathetic jury would award her punitive damages for the guy's dickheadedness...
If I were in her shoes, I would have derived real satisfaction in calling out the guy for his cowardice and lying. I think she's moved on from this past craziness.
Something like this happened to a friend of mine from college, Louann. Her mother had gotten pregnant by her boyfriend while they were living in a very conservative small PA town in the 60s. Abortion was not an option. Boyfriend wouldn't marry her and denied he was the father. The young pregnant woman married an abusive guy whom she didn't love and gave birth to my friend Louann. Louann grew up without knowing who her real dad was and sensed that the abusive guy didn't love her.
Decades later Louann was trying to transfer to a better college; she was accepted on the provision that she keep her grades up. Her mother and the abusive guy decided that this was the ideal time to tell Louann the truth. She freaked out, her grades plummeted and she lost the transfer offer.
After graduating from college, Louann confronted her biological father. He still denied parentage and refused to take a paternity test. Winner.
But there's more! Louann's mother had a sister who was dating the TWIN BROTHER of the mother's boyfriend. Two sisters were dating two brothers at the same time. Louann's aunt married her twin boyfriend and had two kids with him. About five years after the birth of the second child, the aunt's husband abandoned the family to start a career in China. So Louann had two messed-up cousins who were related to her through her biological father and her aunt.
Louann's ex-boyfriend explained it all for me recently, at which point I said, "Talk about Pennsylvania Gothic."
I'm generally against genetic testing, and assumed this is where it was headed with the "but there's more...".
Your friend should get her cousins to confirm the father via DNA, and then contest his will when the fucker dies (assuming there is anything worth fighting for).
He denied it, but he was my birth father. Just found this today. Of course, no one let me know.
Something like this happened to a friend of mine from college, Louann. Her mother had gotten pregnant by her boyfriend while they were living in a very conservative small PA town in the 60s. Abortion was not an option. Boyfriend wouldn't marry her and denied he was the father. The young pregnant woman married an abusive guy whom she didn't love and gave birth to my friend Louann. Louann grew up without knowing who her real dad was and sensed that the abusive guy didn't love her.
Decades later Louann was trying to transfer to a better college; she was accepted on the provision that she keep her grades up. Her mother and the abusive guy decided that this was the ideal time to tell Louann the truth. She freaked out, her grades plummeted and she lost the transfer offer.
After graduating from college, Louann confronted her biological father. He still denied parentage and refused to take a paternity test. Winner.
But there's more! Louann's mother had a sister who was dating the TWIN BROTHER of the mother's boyfriend. Two sisters were dating two brothers at the same time. Louann's aunt married her twin boyfriend and had two kids with him. About five years after the birth of the second child, the aunt's husband abandoned the family to start a career in China. So Louann had two messed-up cousins who were related to her through her biological father and her aunt.
Louann's ex-boyfriend explained it all for me recently, at which point I said, "Talk about Pennsylvania Gothic."
